I wound up doing some soul searching unintentionally
Was thinking about how it looks like I have nothing to live for, and then I thought hey wait, isn't just being alive an okay reason to live? I have to be/make/discover/accomplish something special sounds really REALLY like gifted kid baggage.
I'm used to thinking that The Big Accomplishment is going to be ahead because otherwise I'm a total failure, someone who got wrecked as a kid and never really prospered (see the above this sounds like a gifted kid holdover), but. Who can say that the big accomplishment in my life, the thing I was supposed to be on this earth for, WASN'T that time I stayed with someone going into diabetic shock until the EMTs showed up, or that time I worked for a no-kill shelter, or that time I inspired a Starbucks barrista to start drawing again, or the time I let a homeless therian camp on my floor for a week then got them to Portland, or WASN'T just helping my ex get to Planned Parenthood to get birth control pills and being okay with her not having her uterus pulled? Or a batch of other things I just don't remember or feel good about right now?