lately I've been spotting the connections between my ADHD as a chemical physiological thing and my conscious emotional take on the world.

part of this is my resentment for people officially better than me - I grew up around a lot of double standards, elitism, prejudice, and favoritism. I notice that not only are "good people" a potential threat but the way they're able to get away with things where I can't breaks my reality (you said there were rules that applied, so I was trying to live with those rules as a way of keeping my emotions in line, but clearly the rules DON'T apply if it's someone you like) and sets off wider despair (since rules are completely arbitrary, there's no reason things will ever be fair, and I can continue being hurt forever).

and of course everything about this Administration and its apologists is very much "well if the people WE LIKE do it, it's okay." Constantly triggery.