Currently thinking the central issue of ADHD was always trying to understand why I’d want to do something dead boring with lots of benefit for other people, other than coercion. Made worse by how childhood was inherently coercive. And no parent or teacher can make insults and unflattering comparisons to “better” people internally rewarding.
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I now think that this is on me as an abuse meets neurodiversity thing; other kids realized they had to DO it, but they weren't required to LOVE it, where I always felt deeply flawed because I didn't ADORE whatever was mandatory (though they would never have been a receptive audience even if I could've figured out how to ask to focus on stuff I really liked).
