Again I really hate how easy it is to transition between "I hate being me [living through uncomfortable/undeserved immediate to long term conditions in my life]" to "I hate being me [the person living through them]."
It's definitely a result of learning I was total shit at the same time/as a rationale for being treated badly, and it would've taken a minor miracle not to internalize it. As luck would have it it *did* take a minor miracle to start rejecting any of it at all.