three panties of plain silk for the elves, the eldest children
seven plaid boxers for the dwarves, great miners and craftsmen usually represented as scots
and nine patterned with robots and dalmatians and tikis and who knows what for men, who of all things prefer variety in undergarments
but they were all of them deceived
for in the fires of mount doom in the land of Mordor a new pair of boxer shorts were sewn. And into them, Sauron poured his malice, his cruelty, and his supa-sexy buttocks