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not a big revelation here but job hunting fits into childhood messages
* regardless of anything saying you're valued for yourself, you're not SUPPOSED to do something that interests you, your existence hinges on not just DOING but preferably LOVING this uninteresting other thing
* which also doesn't actually benefit you, because it's already been decided who the good/valued/safe people are
* the only emotional alternative to you're good at this is you suck at this, you're a failure in general
