When I was 4-5, I was in an accident where I nearly lost my right hand and was trapped, treading water, for probably hours on end. (This is part of how I have a college degree; I went to school at least partly thanks to the legal settlement.)

This definitely would have given me problems if everything else in childhood had been nurturing, kind and encouraging, but unfortunately for me, it wasn't.

My parents have their own issues, I went to some really brutally nasty public schools, and that was pretty much my entire life (I didn't have much independence before college).

This combination meant years in which I was starved, sleep-deprived, insulted, groped, de/sexualized, ostracized, shamed, hit, and at the mildest there just wasn't much encouragement.

Lots of things played to my worst issues about being trapped, stucked, and treading water.

And I came out of that into trying to figure out a *much* larger, inclusive and nuanced world, while dirt poor. (I didn't think ahead and missed the programmer boat, so I have issues about that, too.)

So that's basically where I'm from. I'm getting better all the time, but it's neither a fast process nor a consistent one, so I really hope anyone I know can be patient with how fuckin' broken I am sometimes.

I hope *I* can be patient with that.