So, @Rewhan ‘s Applebee’s Bag toot reminds me of the one and only time that I, a millennial, have been to Applebee’s.
At was a work trip as part of my old job. Myself, a coworker, and two of the highest ranking project managers we had, on a trip to a manufacturing campus. This place was in the middle of nowhere, and it was a 3 hour drive from the airport to the hotel. Halfway though our drive, about 2100, we decided we needed food.
This was the RURAL Midwest, and anyone who lives in the Midwest knows what I mean. Flat, green-golden, lifeless, with utterly nothing. My coworker pulled up yelp as we drove, and watched nearby late-night diners fly by on the UI. Most had less than 3 stars. After about half an hour we had to make a choice. Places would start closing soon, and we were hungry. The PM made an executive decision. We were coming up on an Applebee’s, we would do that.
The PM who was driving our rental Nissan drove like she managed—fast and frightening. I was happy to stop. I was the youngest person in the group by at least 13 years, and the others quickly discovered that I had never been to an Applebee’s. They acted like it was some kind of rite of passage. It didn’t instill confidence. By the time we walked inside, it was less than an hour from closing time, and the waiter smiled at us, but you could see it in his eyes, god he did not want to see us.
I had been to tons of brewpubs in college, so I knew what a pub should look like. This was not a pub, it was a simulacrum of a pub. It was a RealDoll pub. It existed in some kind of gastronomic uncanny valley. It hit the points, with its neon beer signs and bar and music, but something was just...off. You could tell there was no life behind those eyes. He sat us and threw the menus down. There was a little touchscreen service thing on the table. We’re all engineers. This is where it gets weird.
