Finished off my Day Of Nonstop Crying by watching the Black Mirror episode “San Junipero” again
San Junipero (Black Mirror Episode) spoilers
I like this episode a lot for many, many reasons i could touch on (actual happy ending, positive depiction of technology), but i realized the second time through that it -would- honestly be my own personal hell.
To live relatively forever in a simulated reality that is just as reality is…
death, species dysphoria, woo
It makes me realize how much i do inevitably want to die, and how little i fear death. I’ve had an unfortunate amount of opportunity to think about this.
I don’t believe in nothing after this. I’ve reason to believe something in reincarnation of some sort. I’ve seen iterations of things. But… i think no matter what…
I don’t want to live forever. Not in this body, or even with this body. Not if it was flawless in health as a digital version would be.
death, species dysphoria, woo
I have learned a lot, and i’ve come to love this planet in many ways. I’ve fallen in love numerous times and have found my kith, people and nonpeople like me.
I have experienced a lot in my life, and i have suffered a lot. I’ve explored and learned and have been my genuine self.
But i do not mesh with this place. Especially not this body. I’ve grown to envy the spirits and feel so much ache in my soul and in this body.
I want the chance to move on to whatever is next
death, species dysphoria, woo
But :) not before it’s my time. I’ve a lot yet i would like to do.
I wouldn’t want to live forever in this foreign body. I’m determined to be me again one way or another, even if i have to chase it through time and space.
I will step paw on the sands of Home and breath that air. I will feel the warm waters around me and the life and connection. The twinge of acclamation~ to feel the sea of voices~
We deserve the realities we would have
