MH (-)
Anyone else experience a phenomenon as they get older, where all their feelings and thoughts become so complex that none of them feel all the way happy any more?
I read comics I enjoy and I enjoy them and then I think about how I kind of hate one of the creators for something (usually a legitimate something, as in they did something crummy.) I get furry art commissioned and I am reminded of the person who, out of the blue, decided to hate my guts. I'll be enjoying something as simple as a video game and then something in the repetitive structure will dig up a memory and I am taken out of the moment by feeling bad. I'll talk with a longtime friend and then be reminded of an argument we had years ago.
It feels like trauma, but it's not just over stuff that should be traumatic, it's over minor stuff everyone else seems to be able to get over. Everything now just seems to unlock a cascade of memories that are all conflicting with each other and I have no pure emotions or experiences any more.
re: MH (-)
I just see younger people I know say stuff that's all-or-nothing, no room for any misinterpretation, and whenever I wind up thinking a similar thought I wind up mentally tacking on a dozen disclaimers based on things I've read and experiences I've had.
Like the meme that if you play a different gender in an RPG you are trans - it sure applied to me but I can't even really joke about it without having to go "okay but it doesn't mean you're trans, you could be NB, GQ or GNC, and you might be none of those things and the answer to that particular questioning might be 'no, I'm happy as I am.'" But younger people just seem to share that notion without hesitation.
I'm jealous, a little bit, because I know that they're probably hurting others by being so all-or-nothing, but my present mental state, I feel like every experience I have, I keep hurting myself.
re: MH (-)
@Phorm Oh yeah, I 100% get those feelings. Thanks for the hugs, and for letting me know I'm not alone. It's always nice to know that. 💗
re: MH (-)
@SkunkyLass
Uh, yeah, 100% right there with you, honestly. It always feels like everything is a massive stew of complications.
And I always feel like expressing my emotions on such topics in either direction will get me into trouble?
I don't know. Like, a while back there was a really neat Retro game I was playing and DEEPLY enjoying. And then suddenly everyone on my social media feeds were saying that the game was awful because of some incident I was unaware of? So then the game wasn't okay to enjoy anymore. Which, you know, fair that those people be called out for being shitty. But now it's like... Am I no longer allowed to enjoy that game? I just don't know.
It feels like that for everything.
I'm sorry that you're experiencing something similar, and I empathize with you deeply. *Hug*