The space between (mh ~??)
My brother in law died yesterday, many years ago. My best friend from high school died tomorrow, a smaller number of years ago. These two passings together mark the last of the worst of October for me.
While I loved Bear like a "real" brother, it's been long enough now that the absence is diminished for me. The day still hits me because it's a recognition that all things cease, and some things cease very sharply and suddenly. We are temporary beings in this world.
re: The space between (mh ~??, death)
He was married to my sister for a little less than a year when we found out about the brain tumor, and the phrase "18 months" was first uttered because it was _that_ kind of brain tumor. On his first day back from the hospital, his first day back home with his wife, their first day of privacy in a month, a blood clot in his leg migrated to his lungs and he died.
Hadn't even started chemo yet.
Everything's a guess at best, we get no guarantees.
re: The space between (mh ~??, death)
On their first wedding anniversary, on the same ferry run they were married on, my sister spread his ashes on the Puget Sound. There's a lot I don't - can't - remember from that day, but I still remember the color of the sky, and the water when his ashes began to mix into eternity.
re: The space between (mh ~??, death)
Anthony died in my home, very suddenly. He had undiagnosed hypertension, and had a stroke so massive that he died more or less instantly. "Dead before he hit the ground", they told me later. He'd been staying in our apartment after losing his own. I found him when I knocked on his door to ask him if he wanted anything from the store. When he didn't respond, and I opened the door to check, everything changed.
re: The space between (mh ~??, death)
There's a finality to seeing someone dead in front of you. I knew, even as I called 911, that there was nothing to do. I remember how calm my voice was when I told the dispatcher "I think my friend just died." I remember begging him to move a little later, even though I knew deep down that it was over. I remember how cold he was to the touch.
I remember the expression on my sister's face when she arrived.
I can't remember anymore what death smells like.
re: The space between (mh ~??)
I didn't get the opportunity to try that surprise road trip again. That was the last time for years that my finances were stable enough that I could afford to take that much time off from work. There was always another emergency, every time I started to get my feet under me again...
Two deaths and a betrayal, all under October skies. All interlinked strangely. All woven together from threads that broke unexpectedly.
This too, shall pass.
re: The space between (mh ~??)
@Soreth thank you for sharing. 💖
re: The space between (mh ~??, death)
For both of those deaths, my ex, That Monster, was one of the first people I turned to. Making my discovery of his betrayal in early October even worse, years later. I think it had already started when Bear died.
When Anthony died, I'd taken the week off because I was going to go on a surprise road trip to visit my ex. But he died and I stayed put for the week because there was too much to do, and suddenly a funeral to attend.