While I'm blathering (A question of nature)
So it's not really possible to escape what you are, but how do you KNOW what you are?
What I think I am is absurd and ridiculous and utterly impossible! It's foolish! Idiotic! Childish! Inconsequential!
And yet I secretly love it so much and want it and it makes sense to me more than anything. And I would be miserable without it, and I CAN'T be without it.
But is that real? Just a delusion I've convinced myself of to attain some semblance of identity to this hollow husk I call a life?
Is it just a fiction I desperately want? Or is it somehow inherently real?
Does it matter?
Someone contact reality's manager, because I have SO many complaints.
While I'm blathering (A question of nature)
@Phorm Perhaps in a past or future life, in some altered existence, you've been it, you will be it, that is something core to you.
Does it matter? I don't think it really does, or rather, I think it's better phrased -- what DOES truly matter to you? What would make it easier to accept, easier to embrace, what would relieve the suffering of not being that?
And if you ask me, if it is a delusion, our delusions are better than the reality.
While I'm blathering (A question of nature)
@Ulfra_Wolfe I feel so rudderless in this regard. I've lived my life thinking that a very specific set of things were the only ones that mattered, I guess. And this is contrary to that... But relieving that anguish IS appealing, even if a 'delusion'.
Apologies if I'm being difficult. I quite agree with what you're saying.