musing upon What May Be Lost (--)
Sitting here, so angry with myself about engaging with a person and a topic that I promised myself I wouldn't.
Sitting here, idly wondering how hard it would be to just actually nuke my entire Twitter account. Block all my followers, unfollow everyone, delete every post. Remove every like, if that's even a thing it stores anywhere.
I'm just so tired of it, but I just can't look away. And there are still those I can only really interact with there.
Chances are, nothing's going to come from this. Chances are, I'm going to go back to this nonsense tomorrow. Chances are, I'm going to start thinking about this a little longer the next time I trip over a goddamned pebble.
Twitter, friend groups
@Balina @Balina this is the pits, I'm sorry. I'm in the same boat re: wanting folks to move off twitter but I've kind of accepted that I'm just gonna lose touch with folks at the price of not having to check it, because it does too much damage. I get if that's not a trade-off you feel like you can make, though. (Sorry for the repost, just wanted to add a CW)
Twitter, friend groups
@Balina np; I do the same thing w/ CWs.
I don't think I was ever at a 'delete everything' stage, because at a point twitter became my replacement for a journal (especially my AD) and getting rid of that stuff seems pointless. A lot of my early interactions with folks who would become good friends (or my boyfriend, haha) are buried in there and I wouldn't want them gone.
Twitter, friend groups
@angrboda Oh, naturally. I had the sense to download my tweet archive and other data before I started doing dumb things. Thankfully, the only thing I can't easily undo from last night was losing about two months of likes before Twitter's interface made it impossible to remove more.
The mood to burn it all to the ground and salt the earth is a good sign that I wasn't in a great mindset last night, and thankfully I've calmed down some.
Thank you for the support. 💙
Twitter, friend groups
@angrboda (Yeah, I fiddle with the setting more than I should, and that trips people up; I need to be more careful. Sorry.)
It's... there's not really a winning answer, I realize. I think for now, I need to just continue to restrict what I allow the hellsite to show me, and use the good parts.
This feels like sunk cost nonsense, but in the light of mid-afternoon, spitefully deleting everything looks an awful lot like the sawing-my-own-leg-off kind of sacrifice.