Orthocosm stuff, mh(?), long, rant-ish, 1/3
Being occupied is... weird.
It’s an odd feeling. My life is busier than ever. I’m finally able to put the time and means forward to improving myself and it takes up my days. I’ve got a ‘career’ track job and trajectory at this point. I have plenty of opportunities to be with my partner and go out with friends and meet people and....
Orthocosm stuff, mh(?), long, rant-ish, 2/3
...sometimes it just feels so oddly empty? I feel like at times I’ve assimilated so much of ‘mainstream’ tech culture. Put the time and effort into work and get the promotion and lean into advancement. Go to the gym and eat well so that you’re in shape and attractive. See a therapist once a week and try and deconstruct the oddness that is your head and behavior patterns...
Orthocosm stuff, mh(?), long, rant-ish, 3/3
...Hell even going out and socializing at times feels like it’s engaging the wheels of what I -should- be doing above anything else.
And don’t get me wrong. I’m not unhappy with any of this. I’m in a good place. A better place than most people, honestly, and without much fear of losing it or having it taken from me. Just that odd niggle in the back of my head at times.
Guess I’m just odd at times. I know I’m really just shouting into the void, but...