cw abuse
thinking a lot about how to convey complex nuances in abusive relationship dynamics; it's so important to also be able to convey what's GOOD about the relationship in order to show why someone isn't able to see the bad in it -- the challenge of writing this is a hell of a worthy one to me though
cw abuse
it's so fucking hard to convey why people get stuck longterm in an abusive relationship. if you can't properly articulate the decline in boundaries or self-respect, at the hands of the other, then it's... i mean, that's what makes it so hard - it requires stepping into the perspective of the one with the eroded boundaries, and not everyone has been in such a miserable place
cw abuse
there's also an element of denial that comes into play the longer you've been stuck on the bad end of an abusive dynamic - the sunk cost fallacy. you're so emotionally invested that untangling yourself is really difficult, and removing the blinders is even harder (especially if the person doesn't want you to talk about them at all. then it's like they don't exist and any negativity from you looks completely crazy)
cw abuse
@glip
Not to mention how it's mostly subconscious in the thick of when it's going on. It's harder to be cognizant of it all before you aren't getting anything out of whatever kind of relationship you're in with someone. Now imagine trying to get along with a while _circle_ of people to the point of being their punching bag for years, coming back over and over before you realize - how little you meant to them all that time
cw abuse
@glip
Holy shit... when I replied to this thread a month ago, I was speaking from experience with a group of people I was with online but it just dawned on me how merciless and inhumane my living conditions were in my last place of residence, it's getting to me
re: cw abuse
@Tidevoceanfinite oh nooooooo, i'm so sorry to hear that D: it's kind of hard to notice when your own circumstances are bad when it's the only "normalcy" you have to judge by...
re: cw abuse
@glip
They say that ignorance is bliss, and that's evident from things like that, but I guess that at a certain point, you end up having to look at stuff in a new light, and you can pick up in things that you couldn't before. I would still say that what I said in my last reply was true about hiw fucked it must have been for me, but it must have been fucked for the other people in order for it to have happened or been that way in the first place.
re: cw abuse
@glip
Still, I don't think it would be wise to try to patch up any of whatever dumb stuff I was dealing with until I've sorted my actual life out, first. And obviously try to find more people that I can actually trust before I get hurt like that again.
cw abuse
especially if someone has been trained not to show any of their signs of abuse. then they look completely fucking normal and it comes out of left field. this is so hard to write about and get someone else to understand - if your empathy game isn't On Point, you're not going to be able to understand it at all without going through something similar