family; mortality; bad moods
Finally heard from home. Turned out mom had been one digit off on my cousin's cell #.
My uncle had an aortic aneurysm which burst during surgery. He did not want a service. He will be cremated as per his wishes and scattered at the pond in Quebec where he and my granddad used to fish.
I'm okayish. Mom's slightly okayish so far, just really stunned. Cousin's going to be okayish. I will probably remain in Seattle though I'm gonna offer to come home if Mom needs me.
family; mortality; bad moods
Meanwhile, I guess I'm just back on my bullshit. Been brooding about death in general and the world's willingness to give good people a Bad End out of nowhere for no real reason. And shitheads like me, out of somewhere, because we've fucked up so many times.
Despite fine efforts on other people's part, I'm still picking myself apart over old guilt. That's probably just gonna happen for a while, and is probably healthy in the long run. Guess I needed it. *shrug*
family; mortality; bad moods
@zebratron2084 it may be healthy in fairly small amounts, but it gets toxic real quick.
a long time ago, a friend of mine gave me a phrase: "you don't get what you want, you don't get what you need, you don't get what you deserve--you get what you get." the corollary is that sometimes, if you're lucky or work for it, it can be what you want/need/deserve. but it always is just what it is. fate rarely makes value judgements.
