F.O.U.S. @zebratron2084@awoo.space

"Huh." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/devil-coins-bath-abbey-denmark-prank-knud-langkow-satanism-anholt-best-hoaxes-fake-a8419656.html?utm_source=reddit.com

#shortdurationpersonialsaviors

Saw Memento with Peg last night. Such a good, tight film. And it was a nice antidote to the hollow mystery-box clusterfuck that was S2 of Legion.

We had a lovely discussion afterwards about the joy of mysteries that actually ANSWER questions as fast as they raise them.

I'm so grateful Peg asked me to rein in my pomo surrealist tendencies for Parallax. I'm seeing a lot of advantages to just TELLING A GODDAMN STORY instead of endlessly baiting your audience with hints of one.

I knew those lousy Germans were up to no good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ2Si2sjHNY

[content: SFW Youtube link; board game "tutorial"; blatant lies]

Also, there was an energy bar that turned me into a Gothic Lolita. It was mango flavored. I... I think I'm gonna start eating a lot more mangoes just in case.

Also, Jake from Adventure Time? I don't remember what he was doing there, except that I tried to follow him after being rejected by whoever I was trying to hang out with beforehand. And he just shrugged in his Zen-like way and said, "Man, I'm just goin' home and goin' to sleep. You do whatever."

So I woke up. Whatever.

The last thing I remember from my dreams last night was rummaging around for my Girl Passport so I didn't get kick off of a bus full of transpeople.

Ee-yup. Maybe my subconscious is not as happy with me having this go at just giving up and being "male-ish, just not good at it" as I thought.

#moodsnapshot

#moodsnapshot #negativland #planetstupid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLQ293VZzRc

Wow, nothing like hitting the Marvel/DC section to ruin a good TVTropes crawl.

Thank you, Joe Quebrada. Only your complete assholery had the power to free my attention span.

@acetone_kitten In these dark, uncertain times, take heart that snotty, smelly, crusty, trashy punk kids have not perished from the face of the Earth. They are alive and well in Queensland. <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j58V2vC9EPc

current location: earth

current mood: real real ornery

current short-durational personal savior: strong bad email #199

current feline optical mode: death lasers

current target: earth humans

Just... goddamn it. <3

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27792602/

But yeah, all in all, feels like some part of me got cauterized over the past year. And there's a very real chance that it needed to go, and I'm better off without it. But whatever it was that got excised, I think I'm still getting some phantom sensations off of it.

There's this constant low-grade twitch in me lately, like I'm supposed to be doing SOMETHING on the Paracosm/Sehnsucht level-- and whatever appendage I'm supposed to do it with just ain't there.

#LostMySqueedlyspoogeBlues

And beneath that, there's a certain... demystification going on in my life. I don't really have an RP outlet. I never dress up anymore. Peg doesn't go as deep, integrating the fantasy stuff into her life, as a lot of my friends. I don't have a sentimentalist around, and I kinda miss it. I just feel like I'm losing touch with a lot of that side of me.

There's good compensation. A lot of it's been channeled into Parallax; that feels more advanced somehow than *just* living in my head...?

It's got its excellent sides, too.

I like being in a place where 99% of the tiny fleeting disputes can be resolved by going RAWR as loud as possible at each other. I like being the only person in the house sometimes. I like not feeling like I have to coordinate everything with everyone. And I just plain like Peg.

But it's just strange, sometimes, and a little quiet, and a little lonely. There's a vibrance to a big noisy high-traffic household I miss.

I mean, god, it's nice to only have to worry about managing one other person's emotional needs, especially when she's refreshingly up-front and light-hearted about what those needs are. But it's weird just having the one immediate option when I'm sad and need a confidant, or want to watch media, or have a joke that needs inflicted on someone, or (gods save Peg's fussy soul) want to go out on a food adventure.

I dunno, though. I still feel restless. It's weird, living just me and a partner for the first time in my adult life. I'm feeling some of that atomization and alienation that I had worked so hard to keep out of my life.

I always felt like I had a loving community getting my back, in the very likely event my flaws made me falter badly again. And now that I'm living outside the tribal lands... I'm surviving better than expected, but there's so much time I just don't know how to fill.