Empress of Mars: Undisputed @zebratron2084@awoo.space

I know that's the first and foremost question on a lot of your minds. 😺

Seriously, though, I am not afraid. Louisana is a shithole culturally speaking, but New Orleans is a precious little toilet diamond by comparison. LGBT support is absolutely bedrock down here and the locals do NOT like being told what to do.

If worse comes to worse, Peg and I will have a thousand attics to hide in. We also have heavily armed ex-gangbanger neighbors we've done favors for in the past. 😼

We will live quite comfortably here in the <s>Fire</s> Jazz Swamp regardless of the turmoil in the civilized lands. The last five years down here have been basic training for living in a collapsing society, I'm pushing 50 and have lived a great life, and I am FUCKING READY. We're the last people anyone has to worry about.

Calling up MAGA legislators and hassling their switchboard operators is free, easy, and pretty much risk-free as long as you don't say anything that can be construed as a physical threat.

It will also have approximately the same impact on American fascism as a spitball, but trust me, you'll feel better. There is NO sensation in 2024 that's half as gratifying as hearing some creepy Young Republican intern stammer as they struggle to come up wtih an answer to "So I can't help noting the blatant factual error in your boss's tweet and as a Christian conservative swing voter in Michigan, I'm VERY upset over this..."

Put on your best Ned Flanders and ruin some junior armband-enthusiast's whole day. I have been doing it for SIX YEARS with no legal consequences. Just watch your mouth and (For maximum effectiveness) DON'T BREAK CHARACTER.

I know we might be up for some scary times in the next four years.

But I want you to remember something very important that's giving me a lot of consolation in this dark time:

Violent J has gone all-in for Harris. We have the FUCKING JUGGALOS on our side.

Now, who do you think will be scarier in the event of a civil war or military coup? An army of armchair FEMA-haters in their LARP camos... or AN ENTIRE NATION OF ANGRY CLOWNS?

Also: I will bet you dollars to donuts that when the dust all settles, whatever tragedies occur in the next decade... we'll come out of this with transgender rights as a core American liberal value. I'm seeing it all over Reddit. The support for trans people -- hell, for *furries* -- is nothing like it was ten years ago. I still see transphobic comments, but they're regularly getting downvoted into oblivion.

(I'm also very reassured that state and local officials are starting to brace for a Trump coup in practical ways, but that's a post for another time.)

This, my dear timid friends, is how you have to deal with these people.

Hey, @chimerror, you seen this one yet? https://store.steampowered.com/app/3066570/Aotenjo/

Thanks for your contribution, chudiverse. It's really comforting to see that the memetic arsenal of our enemies has still not advanced past the fifth-grade level and probably never will.

*picks up a rubber stamp that says "WE'RE RUBBER, YOU'RE GLUE," stamps this feeble insult, and files it straight up her butt since that is apparently the level of maturity we're engaging at here*

Can you fucking imagine being intimidated by this infantile scrawling? Can you imagine being *stuck* in that mindset into your adulthood? ​

Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka is still dead.

I'm gonna start openly advocating for the death of Buzz Windrip. Because I know MAGAs reliably can't detect literary references. 🤣

While I remain stalwart and hopeful, my cynicism level has been upgraded from "Network" to "Catch-22." At this rate, it's quite possible it'll be at "Strangelove" or higher by November.

Only an equal or greater farce can save us now. I remain hopeful only because the prospects of farce seem exceptionally good right now.

Wanted to share this around. It's flavored like Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, David Lynch's Rabbits, Partycoffin's Welcome Home, and The Caretaker's Everywhere at the End of Time. Somber and pretty, deserves much more attention than it's getting.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgW7lLUjcHAh6_Q5oZvyq6vzl00FxbmRF (CW: themes of memory loss, grief, and everything else implied by "and The Caretaker."🙀)

"We have invented something far beyond the comprehension of your puny Earth minds: behold the MFA thesis novel!"

My thanks to all of you who helped resolve my MST3K crisis last night. :)

I had a big old impassioned speech planned regarding an ideological matter, and I was just about ready to start banging it out, and then I realized I just don't have any more fight left in me.

So I'll just slink back up the mountain and sulk and overeat. But honestly? It's fine. One of two things will happen: there'll be a younger, fiercer, better version of me to fill in the gap, or the world will end specifically because I fucked off and went back to shitposting about 90s comedies. I suspect it'll be the first one.

I really am okay. Frankly? I'm *braced* for the future. I'm downright stoic. I just feel so fucking old.

All right.

This has been bothering me for like 30 years.

So, at about 24 minutes into Master Ninja II, during the first host segment... what the poopie is Crow saying after "like it was written in blood?!?!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SZrvOCYXP8&t=1442s

Every time I've seen it referenced online, they wrote "The van dies!" but that makes absolutely no sense to me--even though that's exactly what I hear, too.

But lately I've been starting to wonder: could it be "the Van-DAL!" Like, that would be perfectly cromulent, since it's an actual pun on "vandal." And I mean, the phonology isn't perfect, but early MST3K left in a lot of flubbed lines. So it definitely seems possible that Trace was just having an off day and didn't quite pronounce it right.

Help. This threatens to become my own personal That's Where I'm A Viking.🙀