After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
BLFC 2018 was just… a really good con for me. I know because of the post-con depression.
I’m here a day after getting back and I just ended up crying about it just from talking a bit with Elanna, after most of a day of just sorta feeling listless and “how can I ever top that? What even do I do with myself now?"
It's been years since I've really felt that after a con. It's funny to think I do this to myself, I seek after it, but there it is.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
And you'd think maybe after devoting a lot of my life to creating and exploring "peak experiences" like that, I'd be... better at it, one way or another, but part of it I suppose is just that, and this, getting all that out of it, and then figuring out what is next.
Part of the way I know it was so good also is the stuff it helped me figure out. About my relationships, what sort of critter I want to be at a con and just in general.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, now with some lewds, ~/+
Nothing I did at the con was particularly new except maybe in intensity (there was certainly more con sex than ever before, but seeing a partner for the first time in 18 months will probably help that sort of thing along) but every day had something I just want to keep with me forever.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, now with some lewds, ~/+
Thursday: Meeting up with Trace (@TheBodan), helping him and his Master navigate through first-con experiences, including some serious social anxiety and fursuit phobia for his partner (and, spoiler, seeing that all improve dramatically throughout the con)
And then, later, finding a room to have a long-planned, relatively-intricate roleplay-heavy encounter with Trace... Okay, come to think of it, THAT was a (wonderful) first for me
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
Friday: Spontaneously dragging Trace all the way across the casino floor because I figured the 20 minutes we had to wait for dinner was just enough time to hit the Bad Dragon party at the nightclub, knowing I'd regret it if I didn't. Getting in in time for free drinks, downing them and dancing our tails (not quite literally) off, before rushing back for dinner.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
Saturday: Suddenly getting WAY INTO the con theme after overhearing some of the music while browsing the art show, then this time dashing out early on dinner so I could get to as much of the performance if I could, with Trace managing to catch up for the last half of it, in time for us to cuddle together through awkward musical goofiness and surprisingly-touching emotional bits too.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
More Sunday: Closing Ceremonies and that closing song turning on the waterworks again and then trying to cram more lewds and partying and dancing into the last few hours and mostly succeeding and then more and more tearful smoochful parting and quoting songs at each other when Trace finally had to head out.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
Not to mention being there with the whole household, including the folks who don't get to go to cons often enough, not to mention finally understanding and accepting how @Elanna and me just do cons differently, and maybe working out how to make them always this great for us in the future too, not to mention buying awesome stuff stuff and having awesome discussions and and and and and
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
Basically I'm realizing I've had a Thing for the past few... months...? where I've been trying to rework what I want to be. And I've been putting together a lot of it and it's been hard but rewarding. And this let me see another few pieces, big ones, that I hadn't thought about in a long time.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
And I have So Many Thoughts about how to embody that stuff even better next time, whatever next time is.
And I'm not just talking about cons, it's just, all about how to be myself, a self I thought I could never be but now kinda am. And am finally learning how to accept that. And it's time to just, well, go all in.
After-con-report-ish, strong emotions, ~/+
Sunday: Discovering a problem with my flight back that ended up taking hours off my planned con time, and, thanks to the support of multiple partners, managing to not totally lose my shit about it but instead be simply sad and frustrated and hug-seeking, the way I feel I should be, a good toy, and realizing I can just... DO that, I don't have to become an angryanxious nightmare about plans going awry.