There’s a lot I’m still processing, and it’s difficult for a Black guy with an anxiety disorder to tell folks what it’s like to live in this environment.
Racists are bolder than ever, and part of the terror campaign is adopting language we all use for their purposes.
I am hypervigilant about unwittingly getting way too close to someone who, ultimately, thinks I am less than human and deserve discrimination, death, or violence. It can be exceedingly hard to trust people.
I’m constantly balancing my emotions in the face of microaggressions.
It is emotionally and spiritually exhausting to navigate this minefield every day, and that work is largely invisible to everyone who doesn’t have to worry about the fallout.
But you learn how to deal with it and get on with life. You have to.
I see many of my fellow POCs dealing with emotional exhaustion through intense anger. Twitter gives us a platform many of us never had before.
And because many of us have never processed this before it can be so relieving to just be openly livid about it. Because it’s bullshit.
Anger can be a very useful emotion when it’s directed by our will. So can fear. Part of the Black experience in America is learning how to channel our anger and fear into something constructive. When you have to fight the whole system to do it, it can feel impossible.
And I’m still finding this balance with it. As I get older, I know the importance of calm in our fight for equality. We NEED to be calm in order to fight effectively. I feel there is nowhere near enough attention paid to this fact.
We have to make sure we don’t fall into anger.
But I worry about what’s happening as we indulge that anger. It doesn’t burn off; it just deepens and curdles. I really worry that we’re forsaking joy for this anger, however justified.
I know how easy it is for me to get swallowed up by fear, so I get it. But it’s a problem.