It is really discouraging to see a friend start using “aggrieved white fragility” language at the slightest hint of disagreement or criticism. It’s so exhausting having to center someone else’s feelings when you’re dealing with the discrimination.
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I’m perpetually torn between the impulse to try and work it out, but experience has taught me there is no touch soft enough for some people not to lash out. So you just end up quietly disappearing from their lives instead. And their world gets smaller and lonelier. It sucks.
Like, I really hate confrontation, especially knowing it won’t lead anywhere positive. But at some point you just have to speak up and stop pretending the language someone is using is OK. And I’m there.
I don’t want to do that, but at some point I have to recognize the contact is damaging MY mental health. I just really really really wish people could take a breath and learn how to handle disagreement.