Lots of unwelcome and unwanted thought processes today. I sometimes joke about having not thrown myself out of a window yet, but today is one of the few days it doesn't feel like a joke.

I've had rough and emotionally uncomfortable weekends seemingly for the whole month of November and December isn't looking much better.

I'm just so tired and lost and confused all the time. About everything. And as supportive as everyone i know is, I never can bring myself to talk about it. with anyone. Cause my useless brain has it hardwired in firmware that my problems aren't worth telling anyone else and that if I do ever unleash all the hazardous emo-waste in my circuits, everyone will realize how hopelessly useless and unloveable I am and will abandon me, and then I'll actually be alone instead of just feeling like I'm alone all the time.

This is not on anyone here. Its just me stuck in my own thoughts. Again. I've started bringing a cot with me, cause I spend a lot of time here.