Linus Techtips is outside my house telling me that we need to talk. I don't know how he found my house and I really don't want to talk to him

oh shit he's entered my home

he's disassembling my computer and dropping the parts one by one

heLP

quick break for our sponsor: ridge wallet! If you only carry credit cards and zero coins like some kind of american, and also wanna tell everyone how much better your wallet is than theirs, pay them way too much money for a glorified credit card holder
maybe it's good idk I carry that one Eastpak wallet everyone had in college because it was the one non-leather one they had

Linus has finished the sponsor break and is now trying to wire my home with 2.5gig fiber internet, which would be nice but he doesn't understand solid brick walls so he keeps breaking his saw trying to cut the drywall

oh no he spotted me

now he's trying to get me to buy a shirt and a water bottle off his web shop. I refuse because the import and shipping would double the price. he insists. I ask him why he didn't just bring some, I could pay him cash. He says cash won't fit in his ridge wallet.

he said he did bring me a 3090 but he dropped it on the way to my house. I appreciate the gesture. He installs Linux on my gaming computer and uninstalls the kernel while trying to install Steam. He takes a sledgehammer to my ISP-provided router and replaces it with some super-expensive UniFi hardware

Linus says he's gotta go, he's already late for WAN show, but not before he watercools my N64, breaks my bed and tells me my mousepad is shit and I should get an LTT deskpad.