I want a modulator laptop with no soul.

Specifically, it should be just a keyboard/touchpad and screen. Then it'll have a cable to that goes to a Real Computer that sits elsewhere and has All The Smart Bits, safely far away from my blankets making its fans mad

I'm gonna have to build this myself by running power & USB over an HDMI cable or something

my specific use case is that I'm bedridden but having all my computing power be in my lap isn't good for my stomach or the computer

the other part of my use case is that I hate this keyboard with the intensity of a thousand suns but I can't exactly swap a keyboard in a laptop, and I don't have enough lap room to wrangle both a keyboard and a laptop

A few people pointed out LapDocks and these things are weird.
See this? There's no smarts in the laptop. The phone is the smarts. That's just a screen and keyboard.

I'll have to see if I can find one of these that has a non-shit keyboard and if I can get it to hook up with a Real Computer