child abuse / physical abuse
i have a problem where i just dont think i deserve like compassion or respect. its hard to recognize this until i get it in a way i want but think i dont deserve and it feels like whatever small gesture it was takes a huge weight off of me
child abuse / physical abuse
@pinkplasticwineglass i was talking with my counselor and she was sympathetic when i said i am still scared of my parents because they hit me when i was really young. and she made a reference to me as an "abused child" and said it was normal for me to try and excuse my parents
child abuse / physical abuse
@pinkplasticwineglass
and it was really weird to me because i want to hear that im not crazy and not an awful child for this so fucking bad but i also feel like i didnt explain well enough to her what happened because what happened to me was excusable and normal
child abuse / physical abuse
@pinkplasticwineglass i dont really know why im like this because ive purposefully blocked out so much of what ive been through. its like its... in ice, really heavy with me always, but i cant see through to its colors or shape, its just there being heavy and hurtinh me while almost invisible beyond its weight
child abuse / physical abuse
@pinkplasticwineglass my friend just sent me a link to a website about did thats really respectful and sympathetic and it gives me really mixed feelings. because i need to hear that im not horrible crazy but i feel like i dont deserve like permissiom to have did and not be really self hating. like that im not supposed to read that and apply the kindness to myselg