Tonight I watched an actor I adore and have seen many times before in a film I didn't expect to see him in. I remember looking at him and thinking he looked familiar... but I didn't get that it was him until the credits rolled.

...I think I might have some form of face blindness? 'cause this happens a LOT to me, even with people I know well. I always feel awful about it.

This opened me up to thinking about my memory and how terrible it is; something I think about a lot.

I've always had a bad memory for recalling things on my own. I forget names of people I see and talk to every day; I forget words -- and not weird words like antidisestablishmentarianism or cantankerous, but really basic words like fire or bread.

I can't remember major life events until someone can remind me of their contents; then they start coming back.

I'm so frequently embarrassed by my memory that I'll often pretend to remember things I don't. >..<

I've been in a handful of really emotionally abusive relationships over the course of my life, and in most of them, I've been gaslit pretty badly. I'm very susceptible to gaslighting because of my awful memory... and I have a theory that the gaslighting I've been subjected to has caused me not to trust what I _do_ remember.

I don't know what to do about this. I've been through brain function tests with no memory anomalies... could it just be psychosomatic?!