pride + anxiety
i'm so happy i can make things i like, but i seem to be falling into the trap of not wanting to show others again in fear of imposing, aaaaaaaaa
i guess at least it's not major enough that i don't even want to post it though
anxiety
i literally have an empty discord room where i post things because my silly brain is not convinced that anyone who doesn't join would even really care
but i also want to write such unique bots for it that it might eventually attract others...somehow?
stopping to think about any of this stuff really shows how little sense it makes
anxiety
to top it off, these fears cause my seemingly-insular nature, because i feel like i don't belong since i'm not actually friends with almost everyone i am around
as a result, even the things i make that i'm genuinely happy about get at most a few seconds of attention, and then lost to time
but making nice things is the only way i know how to get the attention of others so i can maybe make a friend or two
anxiety (+)
anyway, this was the year i was going to tackle my anxiety!
it's time to force myself to get over it once, so it will be easier the times after that!
i kinda lost my momentum, but i can regain it!