kink
what even ARE kinks?
it seems like the definition implies that you like the idea of a thing during sex, but it's obviously much, *much* more then that. i mean, asexual people are some of the thirstiest people i've ever met kink-wise!
are they just a tier of enjoying things that goes beyond simply liking something? where they aren't actually sexual, but just things that we like enough that the idea of them being included in those situations doesn't seem unpleasant?
kink
it's like the definition is just "something where the very existence of that thing makes us happy, and being reminded about it, or being able to live with it is something we just generally enjoy a lot"
and if we like those things enough that they happen to not seem out-of-place during lewd situations, they take on their common associations and characteristics that non-ace people seem to experience
kink
but are those associations flawed?
are people limiting their interaction with non-lewd things because they think they are?
are they associating all the mental baggage society has about sexual things with them wrongly?
nintendo has this thing where a lot of stuff they put in their games would be treated like porn if it was drawn by a fan; where things are only "not sexual" if it's in popular media
this combined with how kinks manifest in non-lewd ways all the time for fans makes me wonder…
kink
consent is always king, so nobody should subject others to sexual things they don't EXPLICITLY want to be involved in
but it also does make me wonder what it means for kink-positivity as a whole; do kinks deserve acceptance as a thing that people don't need to hide as much?
where anyone who has a kink doesn't need to quash their non-lewd existence as if parts of it were "deviant sex things" when they actually are just plain 'ol interests on overdrive
would this be bad somehow..?
kink
i feel like the ambiguity stems from the fact that anything that has the possibility of ever being sexual is assumed to basically *always* be sexual
like, it took ages for furries to not be assumed to be %100 "a sex thing"
and well, no shade to sex stuff, but i think the distinction is important when considering the tangible policies that people who like certain things are restricted by because of this
kink
maybe i'm missing something?
if you see a thing that seems bad to miss, definitely gimme a heads up
it's an important topic to me because i live my kinks 100% of the time because it adds a tiny bit of ambient happiness to every moment i'm alive–but i also want to be respectful with how i do it–so i'll always keep myself hidden
but like, does someone like me deserve acceptance in how i live? or am i fair game for all repercussions if discovered because i chose this optional thing myself?
kink (-)
kink-positivity affects my happiness very directly
but what exactly ARE kinks? and do they even slightly deserve the compassion i wish others had for them?
i don't want to equate this to any marginalized group because that seems extremely disrespectful, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't at least a little jealous of efforts to protect them, and wish that my own predicaments had some level of support too
but i'm worried that feeling isn't justifiable
re: kink (-)
@rufflebat thank you. that means a lot to me
i guess i am be a bit self-exclusionary, aren't i?
i know that if i saw someone else with my opinion, i would probably tell them that they deserve happiness too--but i think i have a double-standard for myself because i don't want to step on the toes of anyone who has actual "real" problems that i can't begin to understand because of my relative privilege
it feels like i'm trying to show respect by lowering the value of my problems, but i guess it also hurts others in my position because i'm basically saying that their problems aren't worth it either by extension, huh?
i mean, i'm actually demi, and possibly pan (i haven't experienced enough sexual attraction to be sure) but i also kind of convince myself that because i pass as "likely cishet", that i have no real perspective on the problems of other groups, so the fact that my kink actually affects my happiness more than my entire sexuality identity does is just a "wrong thing i'm feeling" that's lowkey problematic to other aces
this means that even discussing my own feelings feels problematic, because something seems to be a bigger deal to me personally, which feels like an extremely disrespectful comparison, or i'm downplaying the problems of people who are in my position
re: kink (-)
@thingywott (I'm too tired to reply anything helpful atm, but empathy/support nontheless)
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@rufflebat that's okay! i appreciate the sentiment, and you should never feel obligated to reply to me ^^
your energy is your energy, and i respect it~
re: kink (-)
@thingywott On a more personal note, I relate a tonne to your thread here, and verymuch feel that you are deserving of acceptance, and our social climate is often cruel in this
I'm in an overlap of minorities, and this stuff & the hate I've gotten for it has messed me up just as much;- I don't think you're off the mark on this stuff & the social stigma attached to it doing tangible damage. There's various reasons for it being a bad idea to make the specific comparison in most discussions, but that doesn't mean your feelings are invalid.
I've met a lot of people who feel similarly intense shame/repression/anxiety from the stigmatization and fear of discovery with abdl stuff. It's a real thing, and I think your feelings are valid, and wanting to be safe and accepted is valid.