kink
what even ARE kinks?
it seems like the definition implies that you like the idea of a thing during sex, but it's obviously much, *much* more then that. i mean, asexual people are some of the thirstiest people i've ever met kink-wise!
are they just a tier of enjoying things that goes beyond simply liking something? where they aren't actually sexual, but just things that we like enough that the idea of them being included in those situations doesn't seem unpleasant?
kink
it's like the definition is just "something where the very existence of that thing makes us happy, and being reminded about it, or being able to live with it is something we just generally enjoy a lot"
and if we like those things enough that they happen to not seem out-of-place during lewd situations, they take on their common associations and characteristics that non-ace people seem to experience
kink
but are those associations flawed?
are people limiting their interaction with non-lewd things because they think they are?
are they associating all the mental baggage society has about sexual things with them wrongly?
nintendo has this thing where a lot of stuff they put in their games would be treated like porn if it was drawn by a fan; where things are only "not sexual" if it's in popular media
this combined with how kinks manifest in non-lewd ways all the time for fans makes me wonder…
kink
consent is always king, so nobody should subject others to sexual things they don't EXPLICITLY want to be involved in
but it also does make me wonder what it means for kink-positivity as a whole; do kinks deserve acceptance as a thing that people don't need to hide as much?
where anyone who has a kink doesn't need to quash their non-lewd existence as if parts of it were "deviant sex things" when they actually are just plain 'ol interests on overdrive
would this be bad somehow..?
re: kink, longpost, consent discussion
@thingywott I think the specific model of consent which considers "openly displaying/expressing [something that overlaps with your sexuality] without prior agreement from all potential observers is always a violation of consent" can only hold water if contextual cultural norms are held instead as as universal truths (or if dozens of everyday activities, social rituals & displays of affection become sexual violation, which isn't something I've heard argued).
There are dozens of heteronormative 'vanilla' expressions of [thing that I like a lot that overlaps with my sexuality on some level] woven into our society already. But these are never scrutinized under that model of consent in the same way as activities labelled as kink are. This is because they're normalized, invisible behaviours, rather than any other innate shared trait that 'kink' actions lack.
I think kink-positivity is always going to be at odds with the idea that non-normative behaviours and activities should be subject to rules that normalized ones are exempt from.
This isn't to say that everyone should do everything in public without consideration! But that any discussion of the topic from a viewpoint of consent cannot juggle conflicting ethical standards based on social normativity.
(I am tired, but I hope that makes a degree of sense!)
re: kink, longpost, consent discussion
@rufflebat yeah, this does make sense, especially considering how sexuality is distinct from sex
like, hugging an SO, or even having one to begin with are a part of sexuality--but they aren't sex itself, and there's a real hetronormative status quo about what sexuality is "acceptable" in public
but i feel like these discussions are about sexuality as a whole instead of specifically "sex acts" which i feel many people think kinks specifically are
actually, this is part of why i was trying to differentiate kinks from sex itself--especially since, for me, they aren't related at all
they only ever become related by *my* own combinative efforts, when i very specifically link my kinks to lewd ideas intentionally because it seems like it would be fun--but that's not what i'm thinking most of the time i'm living this way
and that's why i wanted to talk about consent specifically; because sexuality is visible by default, but sex *acts* should always require consent--which means when people consider kinks lewd things, I would never want to overstep the bounds of consent without explicit permission
