oh wow a surprise - post. i'm okay but ow
jesus i just got this sharp emotional pain from remembering how i wasted an opportunity by being totally unequipped for university. like that would have been great for me and i dropped the fuck out because i couldn't take it
and it's not fair because the system is not designed for people like me to be equipped to handle it. so i try very hard to not blame myself. but it's still true that for whatever reason, i had an opportunity and blew it
and the thing that's fucked is that i'm happy now. i got through college (we use the word differently from "university" in canada) and have a job i'm good at and i like and the people there like me. i'd consider myself successful. i thought when i got here, the challenges along the way that i wasn't able to handle would stop hurting. i guess not
oh wow a surprise - post. i'm okay but ow
ohh now i feel guilty about feeling that^ when i'm so fucking lucky to have gotten to where i am. i know that's not fair to myself so i'm just gonna try to swallow that
oh wow a surprise - post. i'm okay but ow
@monorail oh, oofa
while it's true that luck can give you chances that others might not, i feel like wielding the fact that good things have happened to you as a cudgel against the idea that oppressive circumstances and regret can't be factors in your life can really be emotionally dangerous
it can reinforce the idea that good things shouldn't happen to good people, and the internalized doubt about if not getting wrecked by circumstance is justifiable
oh wow a surprise - post. i'm okay but ow
@monorail tl;dr - luck shouldn't disqualify you from being honest about the way you feel about things
it's okay to feel the way you feel! really! ^^