(~) Kinks / Catch 22
Kinks are an odd thing, how you can be simultaneously not embarrased by having one, but embarrassed that others know.
I find it easy to talk about kinks that you're definitely not into, but when it comes to things you like, especially weirder things, then it gets harder, particularly when it's with a friend whom you never really had anything sexual with before.
It's a catch 22, wanting to talk about something that excites you, but at the same time being too embarrassed to.
(~) Kinks / Catch 22
Still, it's easier to speak to a stranger than it is to a friend too & how does that make sense...? The latter should be the one you trust more.
Many have those kink list things & back in the day I made one too, simply because it's less awkward to simply point & let them read & ask than it is to manually iron everything out every time, an awkwardness that's multiplied with friends.
Still, it's also weird to have your kinks out there for public view just like that somehow.
(~) Kinks / Catch 22
@ulvra i think this happens because you put more value in your friends' thoughts, so saying things that might make them uncomfortable can make you pretty skittish
basically, it's hard to tell if they're avoiding your kink because it makes them uncomfortable unless they bring it up first
with a rando, there's no reason to stay in conversations about things they don't like--also, when talking about a kink you don't have with a friend, there's no pressure to continue either
(~) Kinks / Catch 22
@thingywott Aye, that's very true. I think you're right in that the whole question about accountability definitely is a big influence there.
I've also experienced in the past a (for lack of a better word) "fear" of entering into sexual things with a friend whom I haven't been involved with such before, even if there's mutual interest, for fear that it'll somehow damage the friendship to do so.
It's not fully relatable, but there's definitely some of that there still.
(~) Kinks / Catch 22
So how does it make sense, to have your kinks out for public view, but at the same time being too awkward to just talk about them...? I don't know, maybe it's just me that's weird...
It's also not that they know, but rather the act of telling. If they find out elsewhere, from art, deduction or a list & then come & ask about it then I have no issue talking about it... I can't say it makes much sense. I can usually sling a few out myself, but then I quickly close up & stop.