Meta-discourse, #socialharm
Hello! I'm going to talk about some things relating to harm and the current discourse floating around. Please feel free to mute me, or the hashtag "#socialharm" I put at the end of posts while I post this stuff. This will be the only one on the PTL.
It's going to be relevant to the here and now, but I am going to avoid talking about things in terms of the raw problems involved as they are not my problems to solve or manage.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
Let's talk about harm.
Harm is a force that restricts our options. Harm for someone with a platform to sustain themselves that requires visibility to survive means that any posts that deride that constitute abuse and create harm. It is a direct attack against livelihood.
Harm for folks who do not rely on a platform can come from other ways: bending or breaking the truth, perpetuating an opinion without actually engaging - these all can cause harm.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
Negotiation is an important aspect of mitigating and fixing harm, and to do so requires good faith from both sides. It requires trust, and it requires that you don't consider somebody an enemy.
Reacting negatively to a person who is speaking out about harm done to them creates extra harm. It's easy when you're hurt to hurt others- emotions can carry you through things that you don't intend to do.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
So- when people are discussing this publicly, on a soap box, just perpetuating opinions and receipts, all we're seeing is a cycle of harm that leaves everyone hurting more and more.
Nobody is sitting down and discussing with one another in good faith in this kind of situation.
Sometimes, even with an attempt at good faith, negotiations break down. That often happens as a consequence of refusing to address harm done.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
Sometimes, the refusal is not a conscious one. There is not a problem you are directly responsible for, so it is not your fault. It is important in this situation to address how the other person feels you are at fault, and to engage that to understand why you are being held to task.
If you can push through that to work with the person, you are 99% the way through the process, and the rest is time.
But nothing happens without good faith & communication.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
So, at the end of the day, what does this all mean?
1. If your immediate instinct is, "I've done nothing wrong," stating this is not the right way to handle someone's problem with you. Seek to understand the harm.
2. Address and acknowledge the harm if you're involved. If you're an outsider, address it with your "side". Consider where harm occurred.
3. Figure out how you can mitigate the harm done, and try to work with the person you hurt.
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
If these are things you can't sit down and do, the harm will simply perpetuate, as we're seeing tonight.
Are you hurting too much to seek reparation for harm? Take a break. You can mute the folks who have harmed you. You are allowed to take breaks from people. You are allowed to give yourself space. Do this!
Meta-discourse, #socialharm
But we're all prone to error. The more we open ourselves to each other, the more chances we have to harm each other.
It's important to acknowledge this, it's important to recognize where the wrong is, to acknowledge the harm done, and to work to make up for it, even if there is wrong on both sides.
Own up to yourself, and work together. This has been such a great community before now- I know we can do better than tonight.
