international mental health day storytime
hello.
i've been working in tech and had a stable job for a little over 5 years now. before that, i dealt with being bullied growing up, first for being fat, then for being smart, then for being gay despite me never coming out and denying it. i've fought to get through school, barely slid into a highly respected computer science program, and have gone through a relationship i never thought would result in marriage.
just by being alive, i am lucky
international mental health day storytime
i struggle with depression and anxiety on a near daily basis. i practice a lot of mindfulness. and it still gets to me. i take 15mg of lexapro every morning.
i've avoided using mastodon a lot today publicly. i'm having a real hard time.
two years ago in november, i had a breakdown. My whole career I've spent supporting someone I care about who produced no income. I've had to balance a demanding job and a demanding home life.
i am lucky.
international mental health day storytime
i suffer from a combination of a desire to die because i am tired of hurting and constantly seeing people i care about being hurt, and a desire to live because there is so much in life that gives me joy.
my parents had a child before me who died in his sleep. i was an accident. i have always felt i had one foot in death because of this. my parents weren't rich, but they were for the area they lived in.
i am one of the lucky ones.
international mental health day storytime
i am alive today. so many others are not. i live and admit my mental illness only when i am able to trust people. trust is in rare supply these days.
i have to fight through my days sometimes to get things done. i went from being underpaid for my position to being far overpaid. my job still stresses me out but they treat me well.
i feel trapped. i just got back from vacation and am already dying. this life is hell.
i am one of the lucky ones.
international mental health day storytime
i have to fight this every day knowing the friends i've lost to this damn thing. i have to live for them.
i have to fight this every day knowing brother never got the chance for this life.
i have to fight this every day for all the people out there who never got this chance. i gotta stand up and be somebody not because i want to- i don't at all. i want to hide in a cave forever.
i have to do it because i was lucky, and have the chance to fix that.
international mental health day storytime
i tried to come out to my dad once, before i knew i was fully gay. i came out as bi and he made me break up with my now husband over the phone. i cried the rest of the night. we secretly decided to stay together the next day.
once when they picked up me for christmas, i talked to my parents about politics. my dad voted for trump. so did my mom. i open cried in the car on the way home.
they accept my relationship now.
i am one of the lucky ones.