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i hate to use weed as an emotional crutch but you know what else i hate? being alive

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and weed just distracts me from that for a few hours

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lets me at least enjoy things like books and youtube and solitaire

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but this is probably a sign of addiction forming so i also feel guilty at the same time

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also it leaves me tired for several days after and then i'm all like "oh no i shouldn't have smoked" then 5 minutes later "haha life is shit lets smoke"

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(and my life isn't even shit, you know? i just get irrationally unhappy every now and then regardless of the actual objective state of things)

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((i wish i could be like my parents and have my emotional state actually match the state that my life is in, because then i'd have spent most of my life pretty darn happy, instead of having everything i could want but only really wanting to die))

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