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current mental state: had to check in to a hotel to be able to take a shower

the hotel is very nice; i am feeling very guilty and financially irresponsible; and irreparably broken; and i wish i was dead instead

re: - 

feeling bad for being complicit in something beyond my control is unproductive, but that doesn't mean i can stop doing it; just means i can feel DOUBLE bad, for being complicit AND for allowing myself to think all these negative thoughts 😎😎😎😎

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