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body image-, body image meta, mh-, sexuality or something idk
i also hate the fact that i am so fixated on men's bodies including my own, and more generally on physical appearances including my own
everything i've ever been taught was that appearance doesn't matter etc etc, the usual progressive stuff and all that; and yet my brain refused to pick up any of that, except as a tool to criticize myself whenever i can't follow that wisdom i was taught (which is any time in my life when my sexual libido is in any way existent, i.e most but not all of my adult life)
re: body image-, body image meta, mh-, sexuality or something idk
in conclusion: i hate myself on multiple overlapping levels as usual nothing to see here move along everyone
re: body image-, body image meta, mh-, sexuality or something idk
and i wanna say this fixation on body and appearance is also probably a key part of why my sexual and romantic partners are usually terrible people?????? but that feels like stating that good looking people can't be good people, which feels...... also counter to everything i've been taught