wait, there are two Judases? as if Simon/Peter/Simon Peter wasn't confusing enough

I'm on the sermon on the plain (a brief wiki look tells me this is similar to but distinct from the sermon on the mount), and *this* is the jesus I learned about in sunday school

wait hang on jesus made a dead person, literally being carried in a funeral procession, come back to life? like, I know the ending of this guy's story and all, but still, zombies, really?

or does the body have to be buried first for it to be a true zombie?

I'm just saying, this would still be an interesting story with only the miracles that leave room for non-miraculous explanations. really, even no miracles at all

I just prefer the idea of a jesus who could be miraculous or could be just clever, and it doesn't really matter cuz they're just a hook (or net #callback) anyway, just getting a crowd to gather so he can spread his genuine positive message

Luke 8 opens with a parable about strewn seeds trying to grow, to show how people can hear the message, even believe it, but not grok it. which feels important, like maybe it could be said that a Good Christian is one who examines whether they are misunderstanding the ideas, or giving up on them when they're hard, or are too distracted or busy to really enact the ideas

this has been a subtoot of *gestures vaguely at ✝️*

Luke 8:22-26, jesus wakes up to the boat he and his followers are in about to sink from a storm, and just wishes it away. and they're all like "omg how??" and he just gives them a wry smile and says "have a little faith, bro"

oh hey, Legion! I remember them from Mass Effect 2!

gotta say, not sure how I feel about how jesus handled this situation. Legion doesn't seem to want the demons (which I am 100% reading as alters) to go. I guess putting them in the pigs is a compromise, but why did the pigs all then stampede off a cliff? did the demon souls spook the pigs' souls or something?

I really want follow ups on all these miracles. did the healed stay healed? did the people forgiven lead better lives after? did Legion stay a singlet? or maybe some helpful alters stayed and it was just the destructive ones that left

call me, netflix

there are several stories where jesus says "don't tell anyone about this miracle" which like. it's in a book. it's in The Book. someone blabbed.

Luke 9 is giving me Troubled Jesus vibes again. he's asking who people think he is, prophesizing his death, saying someone's going to betray him. he heads toward Jerusalem, where he expects to die, and tells people off for things that would slow him down. even potential new followers wanting to bury their father or say goodbye to their family first

I wonder if maybe he's thinking his followers will never really Get his message, seeing that he can't change the world by preaching, feeling hopeless that it will ever change at all. wondering if he should just surrender himself for execution and go out a martyr

troubled jesus reminds me a lot of my ex, who I heard after we broke up had been seen preaching with a puppet in the subway, and would find the comparison wonderfully amusing

the good samaritan is another one of those sunday school values stories that a lot of people who thump the bible seem to have missed

what is the origin of using the word trespasses in the lords prayer, as opposed to debts? and did the word, at that time, have a larger meaning than just being on someone else's land? or was it just "hm we shouldn't tell the peasants it's debts or they might get ideas"

I can't tell if this book is genuinely getting less coherent or if I'm just getting tired

jesus says good people don't have to wash their hands. is this where zealous anti-masking comes from? good christians don't have to wear masks because a good christian couldn't be unclean inside?

putting this down at the end of chapter 11, cuz my eyes are def glazing over a bit

I'm reading the wikisource version (because it's an easier read than any of the, like, Proper olde translations) and spot checking against other versions when something is unclear

I thought it was weirdly idiomatic and jovial that its translation of Luke 12:19 starts "Then I'll tell myself, ‘Self...", but no that's basically what other versions say

sometimes I feel like these parables are deliberately obtuse. I mean I'm probably just missing context, but it could also be that he's saying stuff (or things are written/translated in a way) that seems like it could make sense but doesn't quite, so you think he's clever and understands things better than you

jesus really doesn't care much for the sabbath at all, does he? like idk maybe there's nuance elsewhere (or just not written down), and maybe he's just saying that his ~healing~ should be okay?

Luke 14:26 is a hot take. pretty sure that's against a commandment, isn't it? but also I can see how this informs the way the straights are in their relationships lol

"If anyone wants to come to me and does not hate their father and mother, and spouse and children, and brothers and sisters—yes, and their own life too—they can’t be my disciple"

is Luke 19:12-27 a defense of capitalism? like what happened to all that "people who have should give to people who don't" rhetoric all of a sudden? or are we supposed to think this king is bad?

I'm starting to think jesus decided in the desert it would be wrong to use his alleged godliness for wealth, but grew increasingly okay with using it for power and ego-stroking

this fuckin guy, comes back from the dead, waltzes in to where his friends are trying to figure out whether he's really alive, like "sup losers". they freak out and he's like "y'all, it's just me. see, I got the holes in my hands and everything. got anything to eat?"

if you were writing a comical version of the resurrection, this is exactly how it would go

I just realized luke is the first book I've read in, like, several years 😅

dude, matt, what is the deal with all these prophecies. half of them don't even fit? between this and all the convenient genealogy, I'm thinking these writers figured out the gish gallop a couple millenniums early

matt says joseph took babyjesus to egypt, fulfilling prophecy. but hosea 11:1, supposedly what's referenced here, is pretty clearly about god saying he lead all of israel out of egypt and not making a prophecy of leading one person in

idk if other versions do this, but the one I'm reading has footnotes for most of these alleged prophecy references detailing how nonsense they are. it's great

I completely skipped the genealogy section because who gives a shit, but I just now noticed the footnote saying that the genealogy is verifiably incorrect. there are apparently two other old testament books that say matt skips several generations. which is extra sketchy given that he also makes a big deal out of abraham to david and david to babylonian exile and exile to jesus all being 14 generations

you can make clothes from camel hair? wouldn't that be supremely hot or itchy or something? I've only ever seen a camel at a distance while driving, so I have no idea.

"After he was baptized, Jesus immediately got out of the water, and heaven opened before him, and he saw God’s spirit as a dove descending, landing on him. A voice came from heaven, saying, “This is my son, the one I love, who pleases me.”"

and then everyone at the Arby's clapped

I can't tell what parts of what jesus says are supposed to be genuine prescriptions and predictions and what parts are exaggerated, either by jesus or by matt, to make points. half of what he says is either contradicted elsewhere or is a metaphor using signifiers that don't connect at all to 21st century me

and then half of the stuff that seems like genuine prescriptions is utterly ignored by people who claim to follow him. which, granted, is something he pointed out himself at the time. literally everyone is picking and choosing, including and especially the people who claim to follow every word

matt 6:1
"Be careful not to do your good deeds in front of people, so they can be observed—otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven"

but

matt 5:15
"People don’t light a lamp and put it under a bucket. Instead they put it on a lamp-stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine in front of people, so they can see the good things you do, and praise your heavenly father."