*cut to an image of a perfectly androgynous raccoon with slim metal deelyboppers and plasticky #FF0000 fur*

"Hello. My name is Dr. Jennifer James Kirsch, director of the Scott Aukerman Memorial Institute For Pataphysical Medicine."

"Just thirty years ago, Tommy Westphall Syndrome was incurable. Thousands of canons were lost to Westphall. These innocent worlds were doomed to an eternity in the negative white-static fogs of the Subrandom Dimension of Gnerust. Many a sitcom knew what it was to roast in the depths of a metavore, I can tell you."

"But thanks to your generous donations, Westphall Syndome CAN be treated."

*holds up a syringe full a liquid that looks remarkably like the weird bubbly shit from the intro of MTV's Liquid Television*

"This simple substance-- made from equal parts Ubik*, reruns of "No Soap, Radio," and TVNA harvested from the nasal hairs of Danny "Abed" Pudi-- restores existential stasis in 95% of realities treated."

"But we're still working on a cure. We need your help. Write the magic word 'vibescu,' 'nogarelmo,' or 'resilono' on a 3"x5" postcard, lick the ink until it's completely illegible, and send it to:

The Snowglobe Society
c/o Electric Brain of Leonard Nimoy
PO Box y(t)+A(y)(y[x])^2
D'Aubainne International Airport
The Edge, Al Amarja
Earth-21

Thank you for your support, and... let's Keep It Real, everybody.

* Ubik is a registered trademark of Glen and Ella Runciter

#StayOutOfTheSnowglobe