ended up foregoing the nap, had a lengthy and very good commiseration session with my awesome mom instead. she's got very much my temperament and bs tolerance and... yeah, i didn't know what a rough couple decades she'd had friends-wise herself.

it still sucks to feel like i've been locked out of the very group of people i brought together and not quite understanding why -- so i could at least know exactly what parts of myself i needed to fucking work on -- but if you all stuck around i guess some of the guesswork went okay and i'm not such a completely horrible person.

whatever. in this case, i lost an acquaintance who mostly only showed up looking for a friendly place to complain, and i went down defending my principles, because i am not gonna let someone play devil's advocate for someone who's idea of free speech includes running all hope of real discourse into the ground.