== KITTY ALERT ==
== CRISIS LEVEL ==
NOW OUTNUMBERED BY KITTENS STOP AS OF 0930 ALL ENTRANCES TO DOMICILE SURROUNDED BY KITTENS STOP INFILTRATION WAS IMMEDIATE UPON DOOR BREACH STOP INFILTRATORS REMOVED ONLY WITH SUBSTANTIAL EXPENDITURE OF KITTEN CHOW UPON REAR PORCH STOP ENTRANCE AND EGRESS WITHOUT FURTHER BREACH IS IMPOSSIBLE STOP PLEASE SEND HELP DASH LASER POINTERS AND SPRAY BOTTLES NEEDED URGENTLY STOP ONLY THE RED DOT CAN SAVE US NOW STOP END
*Cue civil-war-documentary style violin music*
My dearest Lulabelle,
It is with misgivings that I write this missive to you on this fateful eve, for a portion of me would rather that you be spared the certainty of my fate. Alas, I am an honest individual, and so I must relate to you the dire nature of our circumstance.
The felines have encircled us on all sides. We are constantly beset by the foul odor of their droppings, and the sharp, flitting glint of their eyes through the darkness. Our treat supplies dwindle, even as the feather toys become so much mulch at their furious claws. Our ankles are heavy with the fur of their rubbing, mewling advances.
O, Lulabelle, how I long to be in your arms. Instead, they are filed with the mewling cuddles of these wretchedly adorable beasts. They will beset us ruthlessly, and though their stentch may be overpowering, I fear it shall be their cuteness that is my undoing.
Yours,
Rezanald Q Tiger, Esq.
