This text might be very dry. I've been told that I often speak very clinically and that such a manner of speaking doesn't feel very personable. Well, fuck that, this is very personal to me. So, ahem, I begin:
I don't self-identify as 'gay' because I've had other people tell me that I'm not gay, that I don't give off the proper signifiers. If 'presenting as gay' is a way to solicit partners or like-minded individuals, then I'm not very good at that, and thus I'd be doing a disservice to people who are much better at presenting to be gay.
I don't self-identify as 'asexual' because I am a sexual being. I have met other people who collect porn, who masturbate regularly, who have life-partners with whom they regularly copulate... all of whom have self-identified as 'asexual'. I'm even less sexual than they are! So while I suppose it wouldn't be unfair to call myself an 'ace', in all candor, I'm really unhappy with that sort of linguistic gymnastics. There are people who genuinely lack for or have fear of sexual impulse; I am not one of them, and 'asexual' should describe their quality, not mine.
I'm excited for the recent developments of 'nonbinary' and 'queer' things in media, that challenge the ideas of 'one, the other, or neither.' Furry culture frequently has dysmorphia as a theme, which overlaps with queer theory a lot.
I do worry that I don't signify very well. I've been making queer art and stories for years, but I've had other people tell me that it's not queer.
But then, I have noticed that people are fond of "A is A" dichotomies, like how a video game can be "not a game" because it doesn't have *enough* of the game quality, not that it has *none* of them. Maybe I'm "not queer" because I'm not queer enough?
I started and continue to write stories about non-binary characters, where the non-binary quality isn't the theme. Sometimes it's not even mentioned. Am I not being queer enough? Am I doing myself and my audience a disservice?
I don't like the mantra, "Make the art you want to see in this world", because if the internet has taught us anything, some people want to see art of a pony joining the Brotherhood of Steel to crush the social-justice warriors. I want my art to reach people, to say something about the human condition, to say something. If I'm not being heard, am I really saying something?
What is my responsibility?
These are words that I wanted to write, because these questions matter to me. There are more pressing matters, but these are still on my mind. Thank you for listening.