mood (-), metaphorical violence, heavy stuff but working through it
Basically there's a big knife next to me marked "self-hate" and I just keep not picking it up by choice. But every time I look away, someone or something nudges the knife closer. So... not self-hatey, or at least not self-destructive over it, so much as wondering why the world's so determined to make me self-hatey.
I'm in a rough space, though. The solitude and lack of deep conversations* with anybody but Peg are really starting to get to me. I love chatting with you folks -- it's just the nature of the medium that we don't really do much more than scratch the surface. And I don't know where people go these days to meet people and have actual conversations these days.
If any of you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them, but I suspect it's gotten that way for everyone and the Internet is just not a good place to meet or get to know people anymore...
And it's making a bunch of other buried stuff come back to the surface. Honestly, I'm internalizing the idea that people just don't like me and that's why people don't reach out. I do that when I lose touch with people, I just kinda assume they finally realized I suck. And I've lost touch with so many people. That, plus how much of that's permanent, is what's really getting to me.
tl;dr: your friendly neighborhood changeling is getting belly rumbles
mood (-), metaphorical violence, heavy stuff but working through it
You do not suck*
This is not a thing**
We still love you***
*, **, *** hugs where permitted
mood (-), metaphorical violence, heavy stuff but working through it
@zebratron2084 hey, I like you and I’ve been itching to do more than scratch the surface. I’m just so goddamn shy and have a lot of the same problems with self-hate.
telegram’s where I’m at these days, and I’d love to make the leap over there but I totally clam up when making the adjustment to real-time solo interaction (either with someone new or, as in our case, when it’s been so many years that it feels like starting over).
mood (-), metaphorical violence, heavy stuff but working through it
@zebratron2084 so you’d likely have to be patient through a few sessions of me being a total dweeb before I loosen up. I know that’s kind of a big ask but I’m willing to make the effort if you are.
another thing I’ve been thinking of lately is… what about a MUCK? not on the scale of 12fold necessarily, just a small safe hole in the wall to retreat to, a bomb shelter from the modern internet.
maybe a literal bomb shelter.
mood (-), metaphorical violence, heavy stuff but working through it
@zebratron2084 Rrf. I'm sorry.
I don't know where to look for what it is you need just now. But, y'know, I like you, always have, don't see that fact changing anytime soon or for anything but *incredible* reasons. And I grant we're more casual friends than someone you'd be devastated to lose, but, casuals count too.