dinks
Still grumpy through. Not much at all here to distract me, so I'm sitting here ruminating about the day that got me kicked out. I've got a lot of questions that just aren't gonna be dealt with, and probably shouldn't be anyhow.
But in the absence of those answers, my brain is filling in "because you suck" as the default for every empty blank.
That feels unfair, and I'm trying to convince my Id that unfairness is totally self-generated, nothing to resent anyone else for really.
dinks
There's this weak but persistent urge to just get home, pack up overnight, be moved out by 8 am with no assistance or contact, and just be... gone like people want.
Just maxx out the passive-aggression, do an "okay, you didn't want me? Kaboom, GONE, goodbye," and lay low in a several month hermitage until anyone actually misses me. Just to confirm that part of me was right, and nobody ever would.
I don't like this urge. I wouldn't be confessing it here, if I did, I'd just be doing it.
dinks
@egypturnash Yes, you goober. XD
And I realize I'm kinda selling you short in all this, because you're AWESOME and have been awesome to me. We're going to have a great time, and I'm gonna work my ass off to make sure my presence is a net positive.
But you know how it is. I had a lot of attachment to that place, and now I'm just left with a lot of weird awkward questions about how and why that even came to be in the first place.
