mood (-)
Today's big question: should I pretend I'm okay?
There are a lot of good arguments on either side.
Hmm, maybe I can just write a big old wall of text, and if I make it lighthearted and rambling enough, people will think it's just self-satire. That's a plus: posting too much about your emotional issues gets you labeled the "sad one."
Nah, that never works. Too much real feeling always leaks through. Maybe the furry approach, "one thousand sad rawrs?" Nah, too cute.
Silence is better.
mood (-)
(I suppose by many definitions I'm OK, but there's a big old issue sticking in my mental craw that is giving me flashbacks to recent Bad Things. I am in a tough position, because silence risks building it into a Big Bad Thing, and talking about it risks hurting people's feelings -- basically the exact same thing I went through daily at Transliminal, and we see how well that went. I wish I were better at just sucking this stuff up and moving on, since I doubt this is interesting to read.)
mood (-)
I guess I just go with the old Livejournal strategy: write openly about it until either someone comes along with a wrench and fixes it for me, or there is a huge drama and everybody is sad and angry because I accidentally triggered somebody's own sensitivity in the process.
Nah, that doesn't sound like much fun. I think I'll go with the Masto strategy instead: write AROUND the problem, frustrate EVERYBODY with my vagueness, and then go right the fuck back to bed.
mood (-)
Honestly, from your perspective, the best strategy is to just keep your distance and let me roar and scratch and whimper. TBH, my faith in the Power Of Friendship is at an all-time ebb, and too much attention to my problems just makes me... nervous, because it's one more fucking opportunity to fuck things up when my emotions get tangled up with somebody else's worldview.
I'm learning a certain independence. That's good. Before long, I won't feel anything at all when this happens.
mood (-)
That's not passive-aggression. I really am looking forward to a degree of numbness. I've been trying to arrange my life so that I get less and less of these peaks and valleys from my social contacts, 'cause it mostly feels like valleys these days. Too much has fallen apart too fast, unsurprisingly that had a toll, and right now I really just want to retire to the emotional equivalent of a sanitarium in the Alps, where my biggest conflict is what kind of muesli I'll have that morning. :p
mood (-)
(Er, the valleys comment doesn't mean that I don't have plenty of friends and that you don't bring me happiness... It's just that the social anxiety has been at a fever pitch CONSTANTLY since The Bad Things Happened, and there's so much unresolved and still stuck in my brain, and... running my social heuristics comes with a certain amount of worry and discomfort even with my favorite people. I'm sorry. I'm doing what I can. Maybe I'll make a comeback someday. Don't hold yer breath.)
