An encapsulation of my interests... Somebody close to me stumbles upon some way to make me bigger. There may be consequences. Perhaps for me, perhaps for them, perhaps both. Whatever the case, they feel a twinge of desire. They can't help themselves. They give in and use it, consequences be damned.

Maybe they become corrupted, demonic essence taking them over, throwing away their humanity. Perhaps they'll deal with their own localized growth.. forever being hyper or lactating in some way. Or maybe whatever growth they cause in me is permanent, unlosable, something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Despite this, their desire wins.

Why do I fantasize about this? About it not being my choice?

Ultimately a lot of it is coping mechanisms for a time in my life where I felt immense shame for being me. I still do sometimes. But this allows me to get around the worst of it, to explore something with the feeling of being wanted.

A lot of it is about exaggeration. About taking the idea of being wanted so far that the person doing it becomes almost a cartoon villain.

Sometimes, this coping mechanism becomes somewhat more self referential. Sometimes when feeling particularly insecure, the type of scene I'm after is harder, darker. Humiliation... Taking that person who wants me huge and having them also be terrible to me, cause shame in me. Approach the traumatic feelings I once had, but tinged with fun elements, to find peace with them.

I need to be ready for it, though. Emotionally invested in the scene or person.

If you can approach that side of me safely, if I can feel safe, then I want the scene itself to be intense, overwhelming. Mock me, punish me, lie about your intentions, manipulate me into your blobby plaything while telling me I'm failing the diet you're putting me on, that if only I were a little better, maybe I wouldn't be a useless pile of fat.

As long as that feeling of safety is maintained, then that *will* be fun.