So.... I have thoughts regarding 'ultimatums'. But I'm still trying to figure out the wordage for it.
When somebody says "You cut THEM out of your life, or ME", that's clearly bad. But when you say "I need you to improve your treatment of me, or I won't be able to continue the relationship", there's more grey area, room for it to be okay. What specific component or context can make this okay when the first is so clearly not okay without extensive damning context?
I assume like in most cases, it's actually a lot of factors. Context, presentation, word choice, and even intent. (Isolation vs self protection). But intent can be difficult or impossible to intuit. How can one identify when their own actions are potentially abusive, or when someone else's *might* be, from both sides of this?
I have a lot of intuitive sense for this, I feel I can navigate this safely, myself, on both ends. I am sensitive to context and have a stronger than average ability to decipher intent behind people's words. But I have friends who are not as able to navigate this, and I'd like to find words to help explain the process to them, give examples and clearer delineations where it's possible.