Update: I got another enclosure from the same brand (Orico) and this one doesn't do The Thing. I guess it depends on the controller?
The one that does it is an "ASMedia Technology" device.
The one that does not is a JMicron one.
It not only doesn't show the actual drive's info, it's unable to perform or retrieve SMART tests/data.
Could it have to do with UASP?
Either way, it really isn't that big of a deal but dammit, I wanted another cool enclosure.