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re: artist life, imposter syndrome, streaming ( - - - ) 

REALLY fucking hard to shake the feeling I'm heavily backsliding on speed and the little-things quality of my work with the recent depression pit.

Not a feeling that helps much.

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artist life, imposter syndrome, streaming ( - - - ) 

First off, 110% this is not meant to be a guilt call out.

But like, when struggling to really actually enjoy work (or draw for more than like 3 or 4 hours a day <_< ) it really sucks to see a lot of my friends all hop onto a mutual friend's stream and chat it up.

But never show to mine ever? Like. I was going to be ending my stream now anyway but now definitely.

Anyone have a suggestion for a more updated Masto client than Tusky?

weird, but like lewd 

Why is it so frequently when I try to type
you
I end up typing
toy
?

🤔​

Sorry.

Gonna... I dunno. Something.

Hopping off social media for a bit.

mh, relationships( - ) 

and this morning? Went to bed late thanks to digestive issues (mostly stress, partly rush eating tacobell at 10pm as the only food I'd had that day)

To be woken up by
The same argument.

The two hours that previously had basically tanked all drive for me to do anything but try to find some comfort in a video game? Nah. Might as well have not happened. Back to the start again.

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mh, relationships( - ) 

yesterday after a grueling fucking stress storm of spending 6 hours having to do something that really should have only taken like 2.... I had got home and honestly wanted to draw. Just something fun. I dunno. Bowsette or whatever.

And instead I got dragged into another 2 hours of stress. This time arguing with my partner. Again. About a topic many hours have already been burned on.

Horray moral disagreements.

Late night feels dump (~ okay done) 

Alright, hand is shaking again. Going to dry some tears and try to lay down. I need sleep.

Good night fediverse. I love you.

Thank you for being strong for me when I couldn't. I only hope I can help others in the future as you've helped me in the past.

❤️ :tipsytentacle_candle:​ ❤️​

Finally, goodnight.

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Late night feels dump (+, but like some death talk ) 

But you know what. At some level "what does not kill you makes you stronger" is true. Every one of those scars I have is a sadness I've pulled out of.

Cancer tried to kill me, It failed and I went from thinking I was a boy who just tried to exist to a girl taking hold of her life.

Depression, fuck you. You won't kill me.

The scars are battles I may have lost, but this is a war I will win.

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Late night feels dump, anxiety, self harm(-) 

Although I sit here staring at scars of past mistakes, it's funny in a way, most of well... THOSE scars are on my right arm.

But now my left arm has some. It's been shaking a lot lately. Comes and goes. Definitely spikes when I'm feeling nervous. Tried to squeeze hard enough with my right hand to make it stop. I ddin't know nails could draw blood.

So hey, probably new future faint white scars to remind me of pain and mistakes.

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Late night feels dump (~?) 

Crying, not sure if they're sad or happy tears but hey.

I know I've been... an emotional mess lately, honestly. I'm trying to hold it all together.

Thank you, friends and acquaintances on the fediverse. I love you.

Good night, or good morning.

I hope this monday gives you some joy.

I plan on doing the final step of getting my driver's license fully renewed and hopefully drawing something cute. Or lewd. Or both. Maybe more than just one thing.

i should just make an online thing, like a google drive or something, where i can archive maple pics

Project goals, for a few years down the road for sure:

A queer themed game that is built on some elements of games like Darkest Dungeon, Banner Saga and Analog: A Hate Story.

Honestly I just want some good queer AI stuff and turn based strategy stuff :D

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