More antipatterns I've known and loathed:
Surface Pro 3: "You spent how much on an ultrabook that looked ideal for artists and designers? Have a stylus with an eraser button that cannot be reconfigured to do anything but launch our note-taking software. Cheers!"
Windows 10: "CORTANA! ONEDRIVE! EDGE! OFFICE 365! XBOX SMARTGLASS! CORTANA! BING! WINDOWS DEFENDER! AUTOMATIC UPDATES! CANDY CRUSH! CORTANA!"
Android OS: "Just make it easy on both of us and give in to the panopticon, 'kay?"