I know I probably shouldn't, but I do regard the faves and echoes that my posts here earn as a measure of how good they are. What's really bothering me is a thought experiment I did that's really highlighting a problem; I'm not just ace/aro but deep down pretty sex-negative. If I learned that someone else found my art sexy, that would make me want to draw that -less-. This unhealthy and I'm not sure what I can do to change it. No amount of conscious "sex is okay actually" seems to help matters.
I want to draw things people like to look at. If they find it sexy, that shouldn't bother me. In fact, I should enjoy that. I know I should. But my emotions have put an electrified fence around the whole concept. Something deep down is saying "sex is harmful and evil and believing otherwise is just going to lead you to hurt people".
I have no good reason to believe this way. I can't think of where it came from. So I keep them bottled up, buried down where they can't affect anyone else. I can't tell people to stop doing things, even when they do bother me deep down, because then I'd be the one doing actual harm to them by limiting their freedom to express themselves. I don't want that. But this isn't a position I can reason myself out of because it's not a position I reasoned myself into in the first place.
