reading this old 2014 gamefaqs thread about FFX because i was looking something up and i got sucked in by nerds arguing
this dude is very angry about tidus because "real men don't have that voice or that frame" and it's like
james arnold taylor is a real-ass meat man with a wife and kid and he's like 5'2 or something, i'm pretty sure
(opening a time capsule)
"WW2 soldiers were pussies because they couldn't murder 200 people a second. this is why we need alpha males"
(closing the time capsule and re-burying it)
i can't think of a better way to describe gamers' literary analysis skills than FFX having an entire scene where tidus does a fake-laugh and every other character spends 5 minutes explicitly going "we thought you went crazy" or "what the fuck dude" and they have actual normal laughing about it that sounds totally normal immediately afterward
and then the voice actor has to make a video about "guys it was intentionally bad, jesus fucking christ" because smug gamers got it wrong for TWENTY YEARS
the horrifying reader counterpart to "i know writers who use subtlety and they're all cowards"
(a guy is stabbed) ow! this is incredibly unpleasant!!
everyone watching: lmao. what a bitch. real men don't whine like that
an eight year old post going "tidus wants to fuck his mom and jecht was abusive because he didn't hit him *enough*" is one of those opinions you read and realize exactly why there aren't any time travellers visiting us from the future
guy: you know, it'd be cool if i actually had a mom growing up and if my dad didn't call me "useless" quite as often
dude across the room in a lab coat, sitting next to a framed medical degree drawn in crayon, wearing 8 pairs of glasses: hm, maybe you'd be less horny if they punched you more
: Indigenous Terror
@kat im literally ascending.
meanwhile, i just like to imagine Auron trying to learn how to be a team mom for Tidus's high school blitzball team. because you know he knows nothing about it besides Jecht's drunken ramblings, but like, wants to be there for Tidus like he was asked.
@magicalmilly i like to think whenever auron's at one of tidus's little league blitzball matches he gets all "SOME CAN'T WAIT TO DIE" That One Mom on the sidelines
@kat you fucking know it
and you know he FORCED the orange slices down their throats.
ORANGE SLICES HAVE NUTRIENTS YOUR FAKE MINUTE MAID JUICE DOESNT.
@magicalmilly god auron is the weirdest Fun Uncle to have
@kat i see him wearing an apron awkwardly over his chest wraps and just kinda being like "i made cookies, this book said cookies were the traditional thing to have on evenings like this. I also made steak because you need more protein you small small child."
@magicalmilly @kat Now I'm imagining Auron making some kind of culinary abomination by replacing the chocolate chips with bits of steak in the cookies
-F
